‘The Sugar Jar’ reminds us there’s plenty of sweetness to go around – Black Girl Nerds

With each new year, we set new goals and make plans to promote change in our lives. One of the ways most of us do that is by reading new books—books that help and guide us in what we want to achieve.

There’s certainly enough sweetness to go around, and in her debut book, The Sugar Jar: Create boundaries, embrace self-healing and enjoy the sweet things in life, wellness expert Yasmine Cheyenne helps readers think about their own sugar reserves. Sugar is “all the sweet parts of you – your time, your energy, your attention, your money, your expertise/education, and every part of you that can be given or exchanged.”

Paying attention to your own sugar bowl means thinking carefully about where the sugar goes and how you can better guard it to enjoy life.

While working as a victim advocate in the United States Air Force and caring for her daughter, Cheyenne “felt like sugar being taken recklessly from a jar and spilled everywhere.” She realized that her pain stemmed from her inability to create boundaries, leaving her metaphorical sugar bowl “all open” for the taking.

Cheyenne’s guiding metaphor, the sugar bowl, is immediately understandable. Some pots may have cracks. Other jars may not have lids and are therefore susceptible to anyone just helping themselves. Often you try to refill your pot through self-care, but because there is no protection, you have no control over how much of your vital life force is drained.

Cheyenne shows how a lack of boundaries can keep you from understanding and pursuing what really matters to you, and she offers plenty of questions to turn useless observations into deeper reflection and action.

Setting boundaries can mean letting go of harmful relationships or setting guidelines for the behaviors you tolerate from others, but she cautions readers not to let boundaries become “barriers” that limit themselves. For example, you may be deeply hurt in a relationship and then vow never to date again.

Several chapters are devoted to how aspects of our identity – race, class and family structure – influence our sugar bowls. In the “Black Healing” chapter, Cheyenne offers specific insights for Black readers, noting that the wellness room is often unwelcoming to us. In the chapter “Healing as the Parent and as the Child,” she acknowledges that, in a sense, parents constantly monitor their children’s sugar bowls, which can be a unique and exhausting task.

how black women can take care of themselves and criticizes “manifestation” proponents for underestimating the institutional obstacles black women face. I found this interesting, as I am a strong supporter of this practice. It made me re-evaluate those things that I actively manifest and look more closely at how those forces might be holding me back. As a black woman, Cheyenne has felt unwelcome in predominantly white wellness groups and retreats. Her inclusive message meets the needs of BIPOC readers and accepts them where they are.

Throughout the book, she offers personal stories to bring principles to life and connect with the reader. In everything, The Sugar Bowl is an accessible and thoughtful discussion of boundaries from a welfare advocate who has done the work she talks about.

I took away recognizable stories, tips and exercises. I especially appreciated the chapter on black people’s experiences within the wellness community. It’s always sad to hear when people haven’t received the support they deserve in linking racial experiences to their process.

While the sugar bowl metaphor was great and helpful, it may have been a bit extreme. Sometimes it was hard to understand the lessons because of the heavy references to sugar. However, I have now fixed the images in my mind and will continue to integrate the principles into my life.

One of the chapters that stood out to me the most was “The Strong One.” It is the reminder to check your strong friends. This story is being used a lot on social media, especially as the pandemic rages and isolation increases. Mental health is at the forefront of many conversations, so I thought this chapter was important. The Sugar Bowl is a guide on how to practice self-love and love for others.

Cheyenne has a compassionate tone that is reassuring, and I appreciated that she didn’t provide too much concrete guidance. Instead, she offers supportive guidance in the fact that we don’t have to follow a one-two-three regimen. This normalizes the fact that we are unique and it’s not a one size fits all journey.

Cheyenne’s writing is sincere and honest. Her perspective is powerful; each chapter is a practical and gentle guide to choosing ourselves and living the life we ​​want. This is one of the best books on boundaries I’ve read in a long time. I greatly appreciated her thoughtfulness in selecting samples, especially for black women.

I highly recommend this book for readers looking for an easy and relatable approach to setting boundaries.

The sugar bowl: Create boundaries, embrace self-healing, and enjoy the sweet things in life is now available on Amazon.

‘The Sugar Jar’ reminds us there’s plenty of sweetness to go around – Black Girl Nerds

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