1. INSTEAD OF “DO THEY LIKE ME?” ASK: “DO I LIKE THEM?”
“I wish someone had told me when I was 22, ‘Tinx, he doesn’t like you. BUT, you don’t like him either. I was obsessed with validation when I was 20.” Tinx confesses. “I didn’t care who he was, I just really wanted a boyfriend. When in reality, I could have spent that time working on myself, or spending time with my amazing friends, or probably pushing myself harder at work, to be honest,” says Tinx, laughing. “You don’t have to wait for a relationship to be happy.” That’s the unlock, and that’s the first question you should ask yourself after a date, regardless of age.
2. DATING IS A NUMBERS GAME
“I believe that if you’re looking for your person, you have to have an open energy,” insists Tinx. “A big part of my book is that you can’t rush love – there’s a perfect time for everyone and you have to trust the timeline of the universe, not society.” If you’re already playing the numbers game, she also has some advice for you: “If I told you today that a year from now you would be with the partner of your dreams, how would you act? Things like spending time with friends, having fun, fishing for stars in bed every night… She adds: “You can have both mindsets. For me, I’m excited to fall in love and find my person, but I’m also having a great time with friends and I’m grateful for my life, right now. Expect to find love, because you will. I mean how many people in truth end up alone? Nobody! Let’s be realistic.
3. FORGET THE CHECKLIST
Maybe our checklist isn’t quite as long as Kim Kardashian’s… but we’d be lying if we said we don’t have the *light criteria* we look for in the dating scene. According to Tinx, we better not add our checklist to the booking. “A lot of girls, even my girlfriends, sit there and say things like ‘He didn’t go to a school I like so I’m not interested’ and I’m like ‘Is that why you’re upset? ’” How about considering these questions instead: “How did he make you feel? Did he make you laugh? Did you like the smell of it? Those kinds of things.
4. ACCEPT THE “WE WILL SEE” MINDSET
Have you ever experienced a first date where you found yourself traveling into the future? You know, the moment you realize their favorite holiday is Thanksgiving (yours too!) also wants to have sheep!), then suddenly you start analyzing what a future like this dare we say, strange, would be in your life? Tinx has a cure for this: “When you get excited about someone’s potential, you need to immediately fall into the ‘let’s see’ mentality, which is where your reaction is ‘let’s see what happens’ and go from there. You are open-minded and positive, but not attached to any outcome. It takes the pressure off dating,” she claims.
5. USE YOUR “SELF WORK” TOOLBOX
In the self-development space, especially where relationships are concerned, there is a lot of talk about what it means to “do the work”. But what works internally in truth to mean? “For me, ‘the work’ is identifying things about yourself that you want to improve, and then taking active steps to do so,” says Tinx. “I started doing this work when I was 26-27, when I was tired of going out and feeling like it was spinning out of control. I wanted to be more confident. I started reading, journaling, and therapy. I hope everyone has the opportunity to speak with someone, this has been very important for my growth.” But she also emphasizes that you don’t have to follow all the advice you’re given. “Picking and choosing what resonates with me has been key,” she explains. “You can love a certain practice or mindset your mentor has and still not love every single thing they do. That’s why it’s important to create your own toolkit of resources and ways to build confidence and feel better about yourself by finding what works for you. It’s what I’ve done and I’ve been happier ever since.”
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